You’ve seen the movie scenes, right? The ones where a man arrives home, removes his shoes and jacket, makes himself a drink, and walks into his office to discover a hitman patiently waiting for him?
I found myself wondering if these scenes have been parodied yet as I came home to an empty house today. I walked in and greeted my pups with my embarrassingly high-pitched dog voice. “Hello pup-ums!” “How are my poop-pons?!?” “How are my Mister Mens?”
Then I walked swiftly to the bathroom, explaining to the pups that they’d have to wait a minute because I had to pee like a mug who’d just won the Kentucky Derby. And, of course, I peed with the door wide open while making loud, satisfied moaning noises as I emptied my overfilled bladder.
Oh, and I might have been singing an old Cranberries song as well. Really loudly. The one with all the drawn-out moaning sounds: “Awwwwuhhhhh ummmmm, awwwwuhhhhhh ummmmm…”
It was at this point that the thought crossed my mind that if someone could hear me in my alone time, I’d probably be quite embarassed. I peeked into the office, but luckily no hitman had been waiting for me.
This time, at least.
