Far across the distance and spaces between us.
These were the lyrics being sung as I walked towards the bathroom. I didn’t immediately recognize them because the song was slowed down, sung by a man, and unlike I’d ever heard it before.
And perhaps because I’d had a couple drinks. The first was a Mai Tai, one of Trader Vic’s famous concoctions. The second, unfortunately, was a fruity, nasty thing. While the island-themed restaurant’s drink selection is “fun,” it’s not the type of thing I go in for.
The lyrics did click pretty quickly, though, and I smiled knowingly at a tiki god who listened quietly to the live band, his back pressed up to the bamboo veneer wall. He would keep my secret that I’d always liked Celine Dion’s Titanic theme.
The stage was on the way to the bathroom, so I got a look at the band. The lead singer was bald, and the intensity with which he sang the song made him look more than a little creepy. The scene was amusing.
Inside the bathroom, I found a urinal and did my normal thing. The twisted but familiar music floated in from the stage right outside.
Once more, you open the door.
Timed perfectly on these lyrics, the bathroom door opened, and the music grew much louder. I glanced over my shoulder to see Creepy Singer sauntering through the door, microphone in hand and still completely into the song.
And you’re here in my heart,
And my heart will go on and on.
Alone in a restaurant bathroom with Creepy Singer crooning out My Heart Will Go On, I just cracked up. He slowly and emotionally walked to a bathroom stall and went inside.
Love can touch us one time
And last for a lifetime
And never let go till we’re gone.
I stood at the urinal, alternately laughing and grinning like an idiot. Very shortly after, a friend walked in and approached a urinal. He saw my goofy grin and noticed the singing wasn’t coming from where he expected. I nodded my head in the direction of the peeing singer and cracked up again.
“What the?” was his understandably confused response. I just shook my head.
The toilet flushed and Creepy Singer emerged from the stall. He slowly emoted his way out of the bathroom, never losing concentration on his sweet song.
Near, far, wherever you are,
I believe that the heart does go on.
Once more you open the door,
And you’re here in my heart,
And my heart will go on and on.
I just laughed and finished what I was doing.
